Over the past few weeks I've taken some much needed time from work in order to clear my head and plan for the future. My marriage breaking down hit me very hard but it was somewhat delayed a reaction. For a few months I coped but then just recently the reality struck me right between the eyes.
Christmas is fast approaching and this really doesn't help me any. I am a family man. Or at least I was. I loved my family life and every aspect of it. Turns out what I provided wasn't enough.
So in this time out from work a number of things have occured to me but in the main I've been struck by just how relaxed I can be. It sounds crazy but the anxiety lifted from my shoulders almost overnight not having to be in the work environment. I've been more productive, more sociable and generally more receptive to the idea of leaving the house.
This has to be healthy. Writing to this blog has helped in parts although I've not always published what I've written. But I do intend to write more. Indeed my personal writing side projects have taken a serious boost in recent weeks. I find it thoroughly rewarding.
I disappeared to the Lake District earlier this week. A beautiful part of the world and something that I enjoyed very much. So much so that I'll be doing it again as soon as possible. The weather was terrible but, well that's the Lake District. You really shouldn't go there for reliable weather!
In the coming weeks the sun will dip and the trees will brown. In that time I will plan my return and this time I will make good use of my camera.
Sadly the views around Lake Windermere were best described as grey and bleak. In itself this can be quite captivating but on this occasion it really wasn't.
So I intend to return to work next Tuesday. I'll do what I always do and wander to my desk, switch the computer on and go and make a coffee. If anyone asks how I've been I'll be polite and chat but for the most part I'll probably sit in silence for the remainder of the week whilst I pore over whatever dreary tasks have been left for me.
I guess I knew that I was never going to arrive at anything life changing in the last few weeks. That really wasn't the point. I don't necessarily need to change my life I just need to adapt a little and develop some inner strength. To that end I'm making some good progress.