Tuesday, 30 July 2013

A bad day to live

Some days can knock the wind right out of you and then land a punch square on your jaw. Today is one such day. It doesn't take much just now.
I guess the road ahead will always be frought with pitfalls and landmines. I just didn't expect it today.

Marriage separation has rocked me all over the place this last 7 months. My identity has changed. No longer am I the husband and provider.
My role has changed. I'm much more the back up father these days - there to have the kids when she wants to clear off out. Well that's not entirely true but some days it feels that way.

I adore my children. They at least still go some way toward defining who I am. I will always be a father. To that end I aim to become a better father. At least in so much as this vile medical condition will permit.

Today it became apparent that I no longer have what I once had. I no longer have what I thought was the perfect life. I'd always wanted to be a Husband, Father and provider. I enjoyed all three roles. I became complacent. She got bored. It ended and now I see my kids for a fraction of the time I used to.
I cling to being able to tuck them in at my own place. We read stories and laugh at fun stuff. We generally just try to be as relaxed as possible.

Today all of that seems strange and today is a bad day.

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